pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
