In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
time to smoke my breakfast
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
