I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
