Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
