OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Farmville is her only friend.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
