I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Randomize
