I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
