foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize