Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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