at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
