So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
