Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
