Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
