He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize
