I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
im holly from the hills drunk
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm getting married
To pizza
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
