what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
