Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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