So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
