she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Everclear isn't food dammit
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
