I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
