New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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