I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
