Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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