wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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