I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
