literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
