Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
