I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
