I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize