Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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