On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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