Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
