I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
