I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
