I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
