I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
