Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
