If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Randomize
