Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
