you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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