You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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