my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
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