Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
