I forgot how hot balto sounded
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
