Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
