is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
