Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
