I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize