Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it because I queefed?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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