and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
