she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
