You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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