oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
