I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
