went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So gin and wine won't be happening again
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
