What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize