I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
