My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
she smelled like a LAN party
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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