OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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