Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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