it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
