Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
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