I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize