wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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