I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
