I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
