Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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