I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Randomize
