dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize