Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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