Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
