there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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