I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
