I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize